Where is my heart? What is my heart?

I think my heart is pretty big. I like holding the door for strangers, and giving people compliments. I like to give advice and serve others with my talents.

I’m a nice girl right?

I once heard the quote “I’d rather die having people not like me than having people not know the real me”. But I don’t think I’m there yet.

I don’t think I’m there yet.

Maybe it’s that Christmas is coming up fast and maybe it’s that the semester’s end is two weeks away. Maybe it’s because I’ve said all I have to say and don’t need to say anything else. Maybe it’s that I feel like I’ve reached my creative peak and can’t put together any more good posts.

But moral of the story… RIP this blog, it’s been fun 😉

Video Script:

Forgive: to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

I’ve always struggled with forgiveness. I even took a test once in positive psychology telling me it was one of my weakest traits. I hold on to the past. I can’t just “let go”. That’s what people tell me.

It’s even harder for me to forgive myself. I find myself staring at my ceiling in the middle of the night wondering why on earth I said that thing or why I did what I did.

But on this blog I never needed forgiveness. 

People would leave me comments on my what I thought was my worst work saying: 

Thank you for posting this today. It was exactly what I needed. – Blooming Beatles

I can almost hear your memories the way you described them – daisybell

This spoke volumes – honeypalmieri

Amen to this – winstonthe2nd

Passionate people are the best people – Viviana Welhaven

THIS WAS SO FREAKING GOOD– Tiny Tim

If I really was Scarlett Wright on here, I might have had to end my work with an “I’m sorry” at the end or “forgive me”

But you have all made me feel proud to end my work with the words

-forgivemenot

Is it cold in New York City? Do you ever walk along 7th Avenue and feel completely alone? God knows we’re not meant to be alone. God knows we’re not meant to be alone. God knows we’re not meant to be alone.

A thousand people pass you on the street, but if I could choose any superpower, it would be invisibilty I think. I want to follow you everywhere, but you don’t want me. Do you even know my name? Do you ever think about me?

I’m sorry if I’m too much sometimes, I was born this way. My heart is too close to my chest, trust me I know I’m a mess. A blackbird singing his guts out too scared to fly and too scared to fall.

God knows we’re not meant to be alone.

So yes I’m a stalker, a certified woman watcher. But God knows we would’ve been good together.

I think of myself climbing a tree. All I want to do is reach that one branch. People laugh at me from down below, people say I shouldn’t have ever climbed up there. I want to come down… where it’s safe and comfortable… where everyone else is. But I think of that feeling when I grab that final branch and it keeps me moving forward.

So I keep climbing until I reach the branch. I step up onto it. It’s shaky underneath me. I pray for strength and I pray to be brave. They said this branch was a risk but I thought it would pay off to see the view down below.

But then… the branch snapped. HOW? WHY? I scream as I fall down the tree hitting other branches and scraping my knees. I think of all the moments that brought me to the top of the tree and I start to cry. I shouldn’t have tried. All those people laughing at me, they were right.

The branch that broke gave way to a new unknown. And I wasn’t ready for it.

But what I didn’t realize was there was someone standing below, underneath that broken branch. He watched patiently as I climbed up the tree, and was so, so, proud of me. He watched me fall, scream at him, and blame him for ever making me believe I could try. But he stood there still, waiting to catch me in his arms.

I didn’t fall on the ground. He saved me. Jesus saved me.

As I fall into his arms he cries with me, because my pain is his.

When the tears have stopped he leaves me with his final words “Go and climb the tree again. Go reach a new branch. And if it breaks, I’ll be waiting here to catch you.”

why is my brain so different?

i see all these people with dreams to pursue

but my only dream is you

i hear a lot of people say

“i’ll be happy when I graduate. i’ll be happy when I get that good grade. i’ll be happy when I get into a relationship. i’ll be happy when i lose the weight. i’ll be happy when i …..”

no you won’t

i’m happy when i stop caring about what people think of me and do what i want to do. i’m happy when i take care of my mind and my body. i’m happy when i accept that my best effort is good enough and that i really don’t need that A. i’m happy when i realize that every day is a gift and i can’t waste my life being insecure.

so stop saying i’ll be happy when i …

and start being happy now

you make me feel like i’m nothing without you.

i forget that my my little sister loves me so much that she stays up for me to make sure i’m home by curfew. i forget how much my friend’s miss me when i’m sick and bake me cookies so that i can feel better. i forget the fact that my brother cried when he read my college essays because he was so proud of everything i’ve overcome. i forget how much my cousins look forward to seeing me at family dinners.

i forget that they all love me

because you don’t love me in return.

don’t tell me that you love me, tell me that i’m important

-ethan regan